Who we are

You know what I love about myself? That I'm awesome, duh, but I just love how I can make myself laugh and not care what everybody else thinks. I love to laugh so you are a bitch if you think I'm a weirdo for enjoying laughter. Bitch.
And also; my fucking facebook statuses rule.
hahaha, I had to

Anyways, today my mentor at the APU brought her son to work and he was playing a game on his laptop. I walk past the room he's sitting in and look at the screen. I go back a step and realize he's playing Minecraft.
Me: Are you playing minecraft?
He: How did you know? *befuddled look*
Me: I play it myself.
Then I smile and walk away.
just the look on his face was priceless! He was so surprised haha! We kind of bonded a little.... he's 10...

I've come to the sad conclusion that I will end my friendship with one of my classmates when we finish school.
I just can't stand that person anymore. I like their personality but we just don't match - At all!
I would've been fine with them if it wasn't for the fact that they hate my guts.
It's like fucking hell! I'm feeling bad about it because I don't know what I'm actually doing wrong - just being myself
and I'm tired of them Only wanting me to correct myself according to them; because they're not in the wrong... Ever.
I think it has to do something with the whole sex thing: it got so weird after that, even weirder when it happened the second time.
But if I did it now, it would be awkward in class; we'd have to choose sides, weird looks etc.
and I just have to tell myself; it's just another 6 months til we all graduate.

Yeah I got me one. I don't know how I only end up getting ugly guys as the ones I have sex with multiple times, and the hot ones are only one nighters.
Jeez.
And yeah, he's my classmate. haha kicked him out when we were done today. love the feeling of bossing around.
But what the hell were we supposed to do afterwards? Cuddle? I cuddle with guys I like. Not guys I fuck.
Call me a slut, but if I don't have feelings for you I will only be able to have sex with you. Nothing more.
haha
I love how shocked everyone is in school. Because he's the really really nice guy, and I'm the 'hot' slutty girl.
haha, I drive a quirky life, to say the least haha!

Can someone please pinch me? Henry Cavill is so fucking hot I might be dreaming.
Yes, I just came home from seeing 'Immortals' and I loved every second of it! Though I had expected Zack Snyder to be making it; from the producers of '300', there was 3 others from '300' (out of 16) who made it, but nevertheless it was amazing!
And I can not get enough of Henry Cavill's naked torso..... so. much. drool.
Haha, the excited breath I drew when I saw that Henry will be starring in Zack's version of Superman!
Cannot wait for a lot of movies next year! Hunger games, Snow white, superman, Sherlock Holmes!
But gods, I would let Henry just do whatever he fucking pleases with me, he is that hot!
Oh and there's something about him when he looks angered... even hotter. haha

I shall stop now, when I can... okay, it's too late! His body is just so perfectly sculpted I'm gonna die! And his jawbone! Just fuck me now! I don't care that he's 28! It's only 9 years between us!
haha
Alright, I shall stop. He will be my future masturbating fantasy though. Speaking of... I've watched porn. good god men are bad at licking pussy! WHAT THE HELL!
okay that is another topic for another day.

I'm getting back in action babies. Jeez, how well would've we have worked out anyways? He can't keep his dick in his pants for more than a month. Distances suck, but now I really know what he's like.
I'm still going to Florida for New Years (won't get my money back, I'm an IDIOT for not getting it refundable!)

But I'm gonna go to fucking LA too bitches! My two craziest, awesomest friends are there for college and we shall party when I get there! Just gotta know when we have our easter break up in here... and also get my money so I can book a ticket, haha!
God, I hope I run into some of those youtuber peeps, especially Toby Turner <3 ugh, love of my life hahaha
need to get a pair of heelys by then .... WHEEEEEEEEEEEW!

And yes, I kind of lost my appetite over this whole Josh douche thing, but I'm forcing it back! Yeah!! I actaully don't think my heart would be able to take me being anorexic Again. fucking arrhythmia. Been feeling it a lot lately, and I thought it was gone, haha, Nope, Chuck Testa

Laters you guys. And limpy and Pata, love you guys ;)

Yesterday I decided to let Josh know how I was feeling about something.
I've been a little messed up and crying a lot lately. My family's been so weird towards me, almost hostile like.
They laugh at me when I tell them I'm in pain, because they don't believe me unless it's visible.
Or say I'm a whiny little bitch for wanting privacy.
I had no one to talk to about it, my Bro's been really busy with school and we haven't been able to talk as we usually do: about everything.
And so I had to resort to plan B: talk to Josh. (if he wouldn't have wanted to listen (I asked if he wanted to) I've would've gone to the school counselor, my last resort)
And we ended up talking about a lot of stuff.
I felt relieved and also a little happy for getting it all off my chest.
I wonder what'll happen when I leave the states to go home again...
Food for thought

I have herpes. Not the STD kind, but I have it on my fucking finger.
Fucking guess how depressed I am.
Went to the doctors today to see what the hell it was that I had gotten on my finger, which was like covered in blisters that I had no idea where they'd come from.
I'm not on any antibiotics, she said it would pass by itself, and for the pain (because it hurts like a mosaukkra) she said I should put some bandage on it with my usual cream for eczema.
But I'm not allowed to be in the bakery because it's highly infectious.
So I have to stay home this week and hopefully it's passed until next week.

Also, what makes me even more depressed is that I told Josh about it and he joked about having Herpes too (which freaked me out because I though he was serious at first) and I don't know if he's disgusted by it or not, which I... I'm thinking into it too much but I can't help it.
I am seriously down.

Fucking herpes.

I always get a little depressed when I'm sick and reading something depressing just makes it worse. I just finished the third and last hunger games book; Mockingjay.
The ending is just so depressing. I wanted to cry within the 10 last pages. And how could she just... Katniss is somewhat of a robot depressing person. Her actions are at times so weird and robotic but at other times like at the hospital so dear and full of emotion. She is the weirdest character I've ever met. But I still felt a connection to her.
Is that weird? Kind of, I don't really see myself as robotic as she is. But I guess under those circumstances ...

Anyways, I suggest reading the trilogy, it's really good even though I didn't really like the ending; so emotionless and weird. She could've been more loving explaining the last part. It felt so emotionless, like she had no choice but to do what she did.
I won't spoil anything really, so it is a little cryptic what I'm writing haha.

But something good is I had a really good dream. Dreamt that Josh came to Sweden for my birthday and the first thing I did when I saw him was kiss him really lightly and he got really surprised. I was as happy as I could be and I was healthy (my sickness wasn't brought in the dream thank god).
What was weird though was that his height changed all the time throughout the dream, because my subconscious is unsure of how tall he is compared to me. So at times he was just mere centimeters taller than me, at others he was a head taller.
He was beautiful though nonetheless.
It was really lovey-dovey, no sex actually. Just pure happiness. Holding hands. Talking nonsense. A lot of kisses.
I cant wait till December when I fly down there. My mom and dad are coming with me, and they're also going to New York, and I'll stay behind in Florida for a couple of days more.
Except they haven't booked anything yet and I have. I'm staying for 9 days. 30th dec - 8th jan.
only 102 days left... sigh

"i miss you all the time"
Words from a man I'm flying to in December. I have the ticket and the visa.
It'll probably be 9 days of just constant fucking.
I'm not really joking. Well okay maybe, he has to work too so, I'll have like 10 hours to kill each weekday. Have to start planning on what the hell I should do for those hours. The beach is pretty damn close so, some running would be good.

Anyways, I should go to sleep. I'm way tired and these flutters in my stomach is killing me haha

Just got off skype with the Birdman. It was a very fun 3 ½ hour long video chat, the last 1 ½ consisting of very naughty things. (and it's not our first skype call, more like third haha, the 2 first were all innocent)
I couldn't help it! So don't judge! Nor say you shouldn't do things like that!
But I trust him. He's... well, irresistible.
And I didn't show my private lady part. Just boobs and I had a cover over the uh.. nasty haha.
He didn't cover though. Three times.
It was a really fun experience, even though I didn't come (I'm sitting here with a bit of blue balls) it felt really good and he did too.
Can't wait til I go there. 3 days of just lovemaking haha. Those are his words, not mine!
I should go to bed, but my stomach is full of butterflies. I can actually say that I am in love with him.
I would never do such a thing with anyone else.
I need to buy a ticket to Florida asap!
But now, bed time!

Okay, I am definitely falling for him. It feels so weird. Getting butterflies in your stomach from a guy you've never met.
we talked for almost 7 hours last night.
And, well I'll give you a little taste of it. I save all of his stories haha. They're too good not to!

"So if I ever had the chance, I would take you down to one of the beaches just down the road from me

Probably late one night like this where we wouldn’t have any prying eyes

Bring some classy stuff with us like a towel, an ice bucket and champagne

we'd get down to the beach, just the two of us and get close enough to the waves to hear them crashing down pretty hard but far enough away to stay dry"

 

That's all you get because after that it gets pretty damn intense, and I've promised not to publish what he's written haha. I'll keep all of these stories to myself. They're really... Every time I read them my whole body quivers.

Never have someone made me feel like this.

I know I'm only 19 but this is amazing.

I'm not thinking of moving there anytime soon or maybe ever (though that thought has struck me) but.. I have to fly there. It isn't that expensive actaully.

 

Anyways, I should finish this Tutorial of LoL and then head to the gym, I've eaten so much shit today it's not even funny!

Can you really fall in love with someone you've never met? I think so.
This Josh fellow is just.. I've got no words. It's almost 6 AM and we've been talking for about 4 hours straight.
We're now friends on facebook and he's able to please from across the world! Jesus fucking Christ!
I've never wanted anyone this much in my entire life.
And I'm not just talking about sex here, I want him. I think he may feel the same, but I'm not sure.
Telling him all this would probably chase him away so I couldn't ask haha.
But I really think that I'm genuinely falling for this guy. This guy that I've never met.
We've been... very intimate to put it that way (no pictures haha!) and I'd love for him to do all those things to me in real life.

uhm, I'm getting carried away. Anyways. I should keep talking to him haha

So you know that awesome guy I was talking about before? Yeah, he's even more awesome.
I've got to go to Florida. No question about it.
To me he's fucking amazing. Can't even explain it. All I know is that I want to fuck his brains out.
He's just so funny and his story telling; Fucking amazing! I'm in love with the way he writes! If he wasn't so busy designing wind farms he could be an exceptional writer. I for one would buy his books. He has so many good stories to tell. Mostly because he's been to college, and we all know that all the crazy shit happens in college haha!
And the man knows how to instantly get me ... a little hot. I had troubles containing myself last night when we wrote.
But this is the type of guy that I want!
Someone who can let loose, isn't a total fucking wuss and loves the first Star Wars movies!
Speaking of Star Wars I'm getting all of the SW blurays soon! It's almost September! I'm so excited haha!

Oh oh oh, I actually know his name now, haha. Instead of just calling him Birdman (which actually is his nickname haha) I now know what his actual name is. It's Josh.
I love that name. Though I also call him Caption Planet because of what he works with.
He's such a nerd but at the same time he's a total jock! And he does it so well haha! I think he's the only guy who can make such a thing work.

Gosh, I could go on forever about this guy! But I doubt I'll get the chance to talk to him tonight though. It is Friday after all. Maybe on Saturday. He's not working on Saturdays and Sundays so.
Anyways! Bye haha