Who we are

Today is my birthday!
Got breakfast in bed and got a few gifts yesterday :) manicure, money and a ticket to Arctic Monkeys on May 5th!
And today I mostly spent the day with a freek. He's half Greek and half Finnish so... haha I'm awesome with nicknames!
But he came to the café at around noon, we talked for a bit, traded pokémon, went for lunch at the Thai place on the same block, talked some more and more, I did some baking stuff, then we talked some more etc.
Seriously, we talked from noon til 6 PM! I did nothing at the café haha! I had an awesome time! And I think, and this is the bad part, I'm kind of falling for him. Fudge. He is my ex's friend. I got to know him when I was dating the Emo (haha).
And he's hilarious and nice. And he's a big pokémon nerd like me!
And I don't know. But I don't like the idea of dating my ex's friend. Because then I will be going back to the same circuits as before and I don't like that.....
When we stood by his motorcycle, all I wanted him to do was to freaking kiss me. We stood there just talking about nothing for an Hour! ONE HOUR! After a while he said: uuh, we've been standing here for an hour now.
And then I started to go crazy about the cake going bad (got a free cake from the café <3) but we still stood for another good 15 minutes haha Then I took the train home and ate dinner and CAKE <3

I am not really happy but at the same time I'm the happiest fucking person in the world!
Last week I got my KOBRA KID JACKET! I died a little.
I got the latest True Blood book in the mail.
I got my DSi pkmn white bundle.
I saw a pre-screening of Sucker Punch AND ZACK FUCKING SNYDER WAS THERE! He is the sheer awesome of awesome!
I also got Bobby's number... but via facebook. I asked him via Facebook messages (the chat on my iPhone was not really working) but he didn't answer until two days later. I wasn't particularly happy, since I knew he'd been on fb (this may sound really stupid but come on!) and could've answered me.
And now that I have his number he doesn't answer.
SO.
I've given up. I'll just keep on being slutty haha! Thanks Christian boy! I shall forever remain a slut.

Okay okay! Have to get this out quick!
So I didn't ask him out, but I did ending up telling his best friend that I like him... wait... I told my good friend that I like his best friend! There!
And he's going to try and help me!
I thought I was going to get a heart attack when I told him. They do everything together!

But apparently he's busy with church on Fridays (ugh) so I doubt he'll skip church for me.
And if he says no, I have another guy to go with. He knows my situation. And if I went with another dude he would consider it as a date. I just want a date with drummer boy!

and speaking of... well.. I just bought a DSi pkmn white bundle! wooh! Way cheap!
And today I'm bleaching my hair and tomorrow I'm going to plan a birthday party over some coffee with a friend. Wednesday- No guitar! Thursday- guitar. Friday- movie. Weekend- work with a newbie.
Don't know what I shall do on Wednesday though...

SO today I bought tickets to the movie 'Sucker Punch'. It's a pre-showing with an Q&A with the director afterwards (he made '300' and 'Watchmen'). And I bought two, assuming I would go with my bro or my homie.
Bro turned me down instantly, fucking Scholastic Aptitude Test! And my homie.. well... he almost said yes, but he also had that fucking shit! Fuck smart people! So tomorrow, I'm asking drummer boy if he wants to go with me. I'm getting balls tomorrow! If I don't, or he turns me down, I'll have like 2-4 other peeps I'll ask.
Won't be particularly funny to go to a screening by myself, sitting on the balcony, where it's two seats in every row. I will look lonely. I will be lonely...
I just hope He says yes!

Read somewhat of an old entry about how my friend wanted to tickle me under my feet. Well, at the ''orchestra concert'' he tried to take off my fucking shoe. Me, being a very slow person, didn't really realize what he was getting at when he zipped it down (my shoe, you idiot!) but when he tried to actually pry his fingers into my shoe, and underneath my foot. I think I almost kicked him in the face (he was sitting on the floor) and I zipped it back up again.
Fuck, the man is trying to give me a heart attack!
And I've realized he kind of looks a little bit like Mikey way... not a lot, just a little.. and they both play bass in a band.. and they're both hot... and I feel like a douchebag......

I don't know how much you know, but I've gotten kind of a little obsessed with My Chem lately... in a good way! Chill chill! I'm not 13 anymore (haha, memories)
But, the jacket Mikey Way wears in the Danger Days music videos is just hot! And I had to have it so... On E-bay there is one 'store' that tailor makes Gee's and Mikey's jackets. AKA Party Poison and Kobra Kid pleather jackets.
And well... I've ordered one. So it should suit me perfectly and fuck if it doesn't, I've wasted 210 bucks!
But here's a pic of Kobra Kid. I just love the red. But the blue one is also hot.. Dead Pegasus just looks darn good on that jacket...
But Kobra...
Fuck it, I've already paid for the darn Kobra jacket! Silence me!
If I can maybe I'll buy that Dead Pegasus one later... it's just another 210 bucks haha
I need to spend my money more wisely, haha! But I am putting away about 79 bucks into my savings account each month now. Thinking about putting away more.. maybe 150$. Then the rest of my paycheck would easily suffice me with food and occasional clothes... and ofc movies... I've bought movies for over 150 bucks again this month.. the movie companies must love me. I scarcely download movies anymore... only tv shows haha!
Speaking of movies.. Scott Pilgrim Vs. The World is AWESOME <3333 lovelove!
haaa, goodnight

Speaking of sex dreams, I got some last Saturday!
He looked like Ted Mosby and Wheezywaiter had a baby! a baby who was born with a beard...
Anyways, he's 28 and to be honest, he was sweet. Like he actually was Wheezywaiter's and Ted's son... weird.
And so, I followed him home. Funny thing, he had to go pick up his mothers two Jack Russel terriers (Worst dog ever) and they were at his brothers place (his brothers girlfriend didn't want to have the dogs over at night, his brother is totally whipped!) and he said: Can you please stay outside, I don't want my brother to see you. He's overprotective...
I got well.. surprised haha! Since just moments before he'd said "I don't want to fall in love!" and looked at me sheepishly whilst I was talking about myself.
And so we reached his place (total bachelor pad), he put on some music and took out hash. And I tried it. Wasn't that big of a deal, I pretty much just got dizzy and my mouth got really dry. And then we had sex to Planetary (Go!). Seriously, having sex when you're mouth is parched is just a bad idea! Was not particularly funny, but it worked haha!
And that song by MCR is awesome, especially to have sex to!
Anyways, I had a hard time falling asleep, he was snoring like ... he snored loudly!
Slept for like 3 hours! And on Sunday I had a ''gig'' with the 'orchestra'. Not that great. I was really tired!
But it was all good. I had a terrific weekend!

Greatest sex dream ensued last night. Thank you Gerard Way.

I just came home from one of the greatest concerts I've been to.
I saw them about 4 years ago in Malmö, where I also first met Pata!
And the band have changed, for the better! Gerard is HOT! Like smoking! He's gained weight and then I mean in muscles! buff as shit and just... I drooled. And Mikey... oh brother!
Frank though... sad to say that he cut off his hair and looked a little pudgier... But he looked happy nonetheless! And ray just looked as Ray haha. Sad that Bob left :/
But they were awesome! I haven't actually heard any of their new songs (just 'nanana', ofc) but it worked out. Greatest was when they played 'Teenagers' and 'I'm Not Okay' love those songs! And 'Helena'! shit.
They had a great play list!

At least, I know what I will be thinking of tonight. Fuck me Gerard is hot!

Thusrday - Friday; I went to a spa with my family. I got my eyebrows plucked, my eyelashes dyed and also a full body massage. Twas awesome!
On Friday I was also going to a gig that my friends played at. The Green In My Tea.
You know what that means. Drummer boy.
I have to admit that all I can think of since the gig is him. Right now it is how his red shirt just clung perfectly on is back, and oh how I want to see that back arched.
Anyways, so I invited my friend in, since he had training in the same area. Bad idea. Because I think he likes me. He dumped his girlfriend about two weeks ago and now he is touching my hips and thighs like crazy. I thought I liked him when my ex dumped me, but I was just looking for a rebound, cause I don't like him anymore.
But so I got to talk a little with Bobby (drummer boy) but help my shit I couldn't ask for his number!
I'm a chicken shit when it comes to things like this. Sex is one entirely other thing, but love... I think I'd kind of crash and burn if he turned me down.
Because seriously, he makes my stomach flutter with butterflies if I just think of him! Seeing him sets my insides on fire! Touching him...

I don't know if he likes me back though. He does look at me a lot, try and engage me in conversations and smiles at me and tries to make me laugh so... is that the sign? or am I just seeing way too deeply into things?
He makes me crazy.

I've had two zombie dreams as of lately. All because of the zombie series on TV (well, just 'Walking Dead' and 'Dead Set' but still!) and the later of the two have been on my mind for 3 days now and I feel as if I don't write it down my head is going to explode!
Write it down as in a story, duh! I'm not gonna write it a boring storytelling way. That shits boring haha!
But so I know how my middles are (I have two middles) but I never know how I should begin nor how I should end.
This is why I never became a writer even though I wanted to. I wanted to be a lot of things as a kid. Then somehow I became a baker. one of which wasn't on my list of job titles. haha
I wanted to be an artist/painter, a writer and a musician. Notice the 'and'- I wanted to be all of those and all of those involved some sort of celebrity title. I think I actaully could've pulled it off because I do have the potential in all the forms but I just never evolved in any of the forms. Except for maybe writing. I still love writing and I love reading so- But I kind of just stopped on one stage in writing; never descending or increasing, which is tough because you never get out of it unless you focus everything on getting out of it, which I never will. I do have other things to think about such as... uh.... lets not get into that then.

At some point I think I want to become an English teacher... It's mostly because I love the language and I want to master it better and be able to teach it out, but also because my English teacher Now SUCKS! He's terrible! He can't teach for shit!
I don't think he even finished his studies to be honest.

Anyways, after I've had a somewhat successful career as a baker I want to be a teacher :) Just think of all the fun stuff I could to with those hormonal boys in High School hehehe.
I'M KIDDING!!!

Been working out for the past two weeks. Every weekday morning (almost, I take every other Friday off the weeks I work) I get up bright and early, eat breakfast (bitches need coffee) and go to the gym.
One of the main reasons is because I get to eat whatever the fuck I want at the bakery I'm interning at.
But now that I've ordered and gotten Leia the cause is different. I want to get abs! I want to look as sexy as possible in the outfit! There can be No fat hanging out anywhere! Only my boobs of course, but they, sadly, go away when I work out.
So I shake my boobs as if my life depended on it! But I will have to stuff the bra for that evening. No way around it.
Fit bitches don't have big boobs. If they do, they're fake. Reality sucks.


Also, we tried do decide when we were going to go lasertaging again (last time there was a double booking so we got free passes) and, well. I asked him to book again. This time I actually tried coming on a little... I don't know if it actually worked. Hm. I guess we'll see tomorrow. But anyways, this time he wanted another... condition. After a long time of texting he came up that he wanted to tickle me. Under my feet. I'm hellishly ticklish all over. My feet though have a close connection to.. my lady part. But I am ticklish. I tried pretending being calm about it so he would choose something else, but he's determined.
And so that night I had a very, very, great sex dream involving handcuffs, me in my slave outfit and him starting at my feet and... oh you know the rest.
BUT! here's the great part, our other friend couldn't the day we had planned (she thought she could at first) so he won't book it and so! No tickling!
I'm relieved but at the same time disappointed.

Oh well, I gotta work out tomorrow! Good night!

So a few days ago I ordered and received Princess Leia Slave outfit. I bought the cheap one (55$) (the expensive on is around 400$, it's actual metal on that one, and plus her boots. Will get that one someday!) so I have to make some minor changes on it (some sowing).
And so I want to learn the 'I'm a Slave 4 U' dance (a mash-up of glee and Britney actually) so I can do that kind of dance at the party I'm wearing the outfit for. The theme is movies so, I went with Leia hehe!

Also, the 11th the Green In My Tea have a gig. I have to be there! I shall man up and try and get close to Adam! Because I'm now tired of being alone! Haha

I'm watching Glee (trying to catch up on everything!) and well.. I used to be the kid who never cried for anything in movies! Now I get so moved by movies/shows. WTF happened to my manliness??

So I was watching the Lady Gaga episode (s01e20) and when Finn just flipped his shit on Kurt and called everything in the room for 'faggot' and Burt bursts (Burt burst haha) into the room and flips His shit on Finn and Kurt is crying in the background... I just wept. Like a little baby. And I couldn't stop. Until I heard the toilet flush and I hurriedly get my straight face on, haha! I'm still a bit of a man see!
Haha, night!

I'm not quite upset because I'm on my period. I've been kind of a bitch the past week. Even though I've been on my period, it's not PMS.
I'm just so sick and tired of Always being alone on Valentines day. 18 years of lonely V-Days. Jeez Louis!
And I shouldn't have this problem! I'm not overly confident but I'm not ugly! I'm not overweight! I have an Awesome personality!
What I don't have is the guts to ask someone that I like out!
I'm a total chicken shit when it comes to things like that. But all the guys I'm interested in are kind of unavailable.
Okay, I'm interested in two dudes, but still!
The first one is Super Christian (and then we're talking Jesus super duper Christian) and the second is already with someone.
Both are two brown haired, brown eyed, kinda short guys. They make my lady parts beep.
The first one you can read about in my last entry.
The second one... well, lets get to him now.
So we play guitar together, been doing so for about 3 years I think... maybe more (I've played for about 6 years now) and we didn't talk much at first, took the group about a year to actually try and befriend one another.
But lets skip ahead to 2010. His band were playing this battle of the bands (Emergenza) and the won the first round with ease.
So they then wanted a place to have an afterparty after the second round. I said that I could fix that, there's a place you can rent if you live in my house to have gettogethers (aka parties). It's a place where you can fit about 100 people.
We had a guest list and a guard by the door.
Everything went down hill. I was a nervous wreck. The guard was just a buff/fat kid who gave a shit about the guest list. The people was just pouring in, more than 100. At one point I said stop! Then he comes along and says: No it's okay! we can fit more people in! Just let my cousins in!!
We had a big mouth off, but I gave in, because I'm easily stepped on (of course).
Then the sink in the bathroom broke and I had a panic attack. I cried in frustration and then I threw people out (she was well after 1 by that point)
I was still crying when we were cleaning everything up, the band was also cleaning along with my bro. So they kicked me out and did the rest themselves.
So I loathed his guts. I haven't hated anyone that much in my whole life.
I took my time ignoring his please of forgiveness. Felt so fucking good.
But after a month or two I forgave him.
And two weeks ago we were 6 people who decided to go to lasertag. I asked him if he could book it (because I hate calling strangers) and he did but only if I'd be nice to him for the rest of 2011 (which I now have to be).
And so I can't call him names nor punch him (which feels really good after that night).
And so everything starts. He keeps on touching me, keeps on teasing me and calling me names.
Somehow it made me go... well, you know. And he thoroughly enjoyed it.
And since then those two are the only things I can think about.

So how do one person cope liking a Christian kid and a unavailable guy who are both the same age?

I'm feeling like a drama queen right now haha!
Good god, goodnight!

Oh please shit!
Where should I begin? In '08?
This stretches back till then I'm afraid.
Okay so there is this boy (isn't there always?) that I went to the same school in 8th-9th grade. And I got my eyes up for him at the end of 2008. He is this adorable Christan kid that I have no chance on whatsoever. Mostly because I don't believe in marriage before sex (and I'm not really a virgin anymore) nor do I believe in God or a higher power of any sort (atheist for the win!)
But it all started when I was at my classmate's birthday party. And I got this connection with this boy named Adam.
And I thought he was hitting on me, and it was in a really cute charming way so I just fell head over heels in love with him.
He was quirky, funny, adorable and he liked me (back then I was a total shit mess)
And he still is those things!
I also tried to make him understand that I liked him in 9th grade... But the thing was... He had a girlfriend.
So I tried ignoring him instead because it hurt a little that he had a girlfriend and I thought that he had liked me.
It worked, for a little while at least until one day the train broke down on His station! And there he was! So we talked and talked and I got those feelings back again and it was wonderful and awful at the same time!
So I started hanging out in the music room because I knew he would be there (because he's a drummer, and that didn't stop my fantasies) and he... he made my feelings just flare up even more! He banged the drums whilst making really silly faces Towards me! And it made me laugh and my hear thump so hard...
And well.. so I decided to be mischievous when we had school pictures (we got to dress up as it was the last photo in that school).
I dressed up as a Maid... May I say I was quite hot actually! All the boys tried looking up my skirt! Awww! Cute!
But then as our first lesson approached I wanted to get the damned thing off! So I asked if someone could pull down my zipper and I was hanging out with Adam and Kareem by the toilets so Adam stepped up and did it. Then all I wanted to do was pull him in the bathroom with me. But I felt darn good that I got him to see me somewhat less clothed.
And also that he was the one who chose to take my clothes off (in some manner)
But when we graduated I hadn't met him for a long time until yesterday.
His band (The Green In My Tea, which includes him as the drummer, Kareem as lead guitarist, Pedram (another dude in my old class) as guitarist and two other dudes I've never met) was doing a Battle of the Bands (Emergenza festival), so I was there to support them and... I... you know... after two years I was still head over heels in love with the boy... he was single though this time but... I was too much of a chicken shit to do anything... I just stared.
But I gave him a hug when I was going to leave and he sounded sincerely sad when he asked if I was already leaving, which just made my feelings go right back where they didn't belong.
But now I won't see him again for a while. Which will make my feelings cool off! Thank god!
Because I am too much of a chicken shit to try and do anything.

2010 has passed! I celebrated new years eve with getting drunk as hell! I barely remember anything!
But apparently I made out with my best friends crush (that she only likes when she's drunk. haha, weird), and almost had sex with too (but my friend stopped me. I don't remember that hehehe)
Bacardi Razz and Red Bull = huge mind gaps.
Vodka red bull though, no problem.

But so yesterday I went to another party with bro. I had a great time actually. I didn't drink much at all, and I also drank a lot of water in between (Seriously, I did not want a repeat of new years eve).
And apparently I look like Carey Underwood and the Girl Next Door. Just because my hair is the same length and color.
BUT I guess that makes me hot then! Cause they're both hot! hehe
But we had to take a cab home to bro (I paid, cause I'm the only one who has the big cash) and then me and the buffalo took the bus home. Twas a long night, haha, just kidding, I got at home around 3.30 AND I was starving!
Ate some leftover salmon and creme fraiche. DELISH! haha
I'm also going to another party today!! a lot of parties! At least I'm not hungover today.

Right!
I'm getting inked on Tuesday! The dragon one I showed a couple of months ago. It is happening!

So today I went to a synagogue today with school.
Enough said.
Haha, but my god! We got this old Jewish lady as our guide and there was no on there except for us...oh and the two amazingly hot Jewish guys working as guards. Well trained boys.
I cast furtive glances at the blond, blue eyed Jewish man while sitting in the pews, listening to the old lady. The other darker, more mysterious man waited outside in case trouble would arrive.
My heart beat raced when the faired skinned boy answered my glances with equal passionate looks. Warmth coursed through my body as I imagined his hands on my body, touching oh so delicately.
Hahaha, my god, I should become a writer instead. Erotic novels here I come (literally).
But it went something along those lines. Not quite as... eh... erotic. haha.
But when the blond guy left, hell broke loose. We were two classes who went to the synagogue (bake and hotel) and I am happy I'm not in the hotel class. More than half are fucking dumb asses. They asked the most obvious questions, that we've even talked about in class multiple times. And people could just not shut up. Seriously, if you don't want to come then don't, otherwise shut up and show some respect!
And seriously, the girl in my ''class'' (she just goes to the Swedish and Religion classes) named Madelene is a total bag of shit knowledge. (she is just such a stupid bitch.Sorry I don't like her... I'll take that up another time)
Learn how to listen girl so you don't have to ask the same question someone else just did.
Time for bed!!