You're all hearts
I'm not quite upset because I'm on my period. I've been kind of a bitch the past week. Even though I've been on my period, it's not PMS.
I'm just so sick and tired of Always being alone on Valentines day. 18 years of lonely V-Days. Jeez Louis!
And I shouldn't have this problem! I'm not overly confident but I'm not ugly! I'm not overweight! I have an Awesome personality!
What I don't have is the guts to ask someone that I like out!
I'm a total chicken shit when it comes to things like that. But all the guys I'm interested in are kind of unavailable.
Okay, I'm interested in two dudes, but still!
The first one is Super Christian (and then we're talking Jesus super duper Christian) and the second is already with someone.
Both are two brown haired, brown eyed, kinda short guys. They make my lady parts beep.
The first one you can read about in my last entry.
The second one... well, lets get to him now.
So we play guitar together, been doing so for about 3 years I think... maybe more (I've played for about 6 years now) and we didn't talk much at first, took the group about a year to actually try and befriend one another.
But lets skip ahead to 2010. His band were playing this battle of the bands (Emergenza) and the won the first round with ease.
So they then wanted a place to have an afterparty after the second round. I said that I could fix that, there's a place you can rent if you live in my house to have gettogethers (aka parties). It's a place where you can fit about 100 people.
We had a guest list and a guard by the door.
Everything went down hill. I was a nervous wreck. The guard was just a buff/fat kid who gave a shit about the guest list. The people was just pouring in, more than 100. At one point I said stop! Then he comes along and says: No it's okay! we can fit more people in! Just let my cousins in!!
We had a big mouth off, but I gave in, because I'm easily stepped on (of course).
Then the sink in the bathroom broke and I had a panic attack. I cried in frustration and then I threw people out (she was well after 1 by that point)
I was still crying when we were cleaning everything up, the band was also cleaning along with my bro. So they kicked me out and did the rest themselves.
So I loathed his guts. I haven't hated anyone that much in my whole life.
I took my time ignoring his please of forgiveness. Felt so fucking good.
But after a month or two I forgave him.
And two weeks ago we were 6 people who decided to go to lasertag. I asked him if he could book it (because I hate calling strangers) and he did but only if I'd be nice to him for the rest of 2011 (which I now have to be).
And so I can't call him names nor punch him (which feels really good after that night).
And so everything starts. He keeps on touching me, keeps on teasing me and calling me names.
Somehow it made me go... well, you know. And he thoroughly enjoyed it.
And since then those two are the only things I can think about.
So how do one person cope liking a Christian kid and a unavailable guy who are both the same age?
I'm feeling like a drama queen right now haha!
Good god, goodnight!
I'm just so sick and tired of Always being alone on Valentines day. 18 years of lonely V-Days. Jeez Louis!
And I shouldn't have this problem! I'm not overly confident but I'm not ugly! I'm not overweight! I have an Awesome personality!
What I don't have is the guts to ask someone that I like out!
I'm a total chicken shit when it comes to things like that. But all the guys I'm interested in are kind of unavailable.
Okay, I'm interested in two dudes, but still!
The first one is Super Christian (and then we're talking Jesus super duper Christian) and the second is already with someone.
Both are two brown haired, brown eyed, kinda short guys. They make my lady parts beep.
The first one you can read about in my last entry.
The second one... well, lets get to him now.
So we play guitar together, been doing so for about 3 years I think... maybe more (I've played for about 6 years now) and we didn't talk much at first, took the group about a year to actually try and befriend one another.
But lets skip ahead to 2010. His band were playing this battle of the bands (Emergenza) and the won the first round with ease.
So they then wanted a place to have an afterparty after the second round. I said that I could fix that, there's a place you can rent if you live in my house to have gettogethers (aka parties). It's a place where you can fit about 100 people.
We had a guest list and a guard by the door.
Everything went down hill. I was a nervous wreck. The guard was just a buff/fat kid who gave a shit about the guest list. The people was just pouring in, more than 100. At one point I said stop! Then he comes along and says: No it's okay! we can fit more people in! Just let my cousins in!!
We had a big mouth off, but I gave in, because I'm easily stepped on (of course).
Then the sink in the bathroom broke and I had a panic attack. I cried in frustration and then I threw people out (she was well after 1 by that point)
I was still crying when we were cleaning everything up, the band was also cleaning along with my bro. So they kicked me out and did the rest themselves.
So I loathed his guts. I haven't hated anyone that much in my whole life.
I took my time ignoring his please of forgiveness. Felt so fucking good.
But after a month or two I forgave him.
And two weeks ago we were 6 people who decided to go to lasertag. I asked him if he could book it (because I hate calling strangers) and he did but only if I'd be nice to him for the rest of 2011 (which I now have to be).
And so I can't call him names nor punch him (which feels really good after that night).
And so everything starts. He keeps on touching me, keeps on teasing me and calling me names.
Somehow it made me go... well, you know. And he thoroughly enjoyed it.
And since then those two are the only things I can think about.
So how do one person cope liking a Christian kid and a unavailable guy who are both the same age?
I'm feeling like a drama queen right now haha!
Good god, goodnight!
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